I am in high school, and I'm dating a certain individual from my graduating class. It's interesting that my brain hooked me up with this dude. I considered him very attractive when I met him, but upon better exposure to his personality, he turned out to be undatable. He was nice enough, but egocentricity and a habit of pointing out how he went to the best parties (where he got sooooo drunk, high, etc.) made for boring conversation in the long run. Anyway, as a couple, we're the touchy-feely type, making out in the hallways and simpering sweet nothings at one another.

We're interrupted twice during the school day resultant to bomb threats. We dutifully file out of the classrooms on both occasions. I am, of course, obsessively hanging over my boyfriend. Along with our friends, we're conspiring to escape the campus while they're searching the building for explosives. Our efforts are in vain, however, and we're herded back inside to live through the monotony that is another day at high school.

So, for the record, I am aware that I'm probably boring the living hell out of my readers (reader?) out there, but my dream recall has been nil lately. What can you do?

1. (over Thanksgiving weekend) We watched Knocked Up again, which always seems to be followed by a pregnancy-related dream for yours truly. This dream was strange for me because no one in it, myself included, seemed to have any adverse reaction to the fact that I was pregnant. My parents and sisters were really amped about the situation. They occupied their time with pitching boy and girl names to me and oohing over the prospect of buying baby clothes. I had no anxiety or depression over the bun in the oven, as I would were I to be impregnated in real life (i.e., there goes that whole career in medicine thing). Instead, I was busy, running around to obtain all of the appropriate accoutrement that one must have for infants. And while I seemed largely indifferent to the tiny life burgeoning within me, I was catching a bit of the baby fever from my family. Also interesting to note: there was no father present in the dream. I don't know who he was, since he never came up at all.

2. (last night) Monsters are chasing me through a city which seems similar to New York. I am running all out, but I begin to get that ooky dream feeling of "I can't run fast enough," and the monsters are getting ever closer to me. These monsters are assumed to be an alien race, as they've been branded ETs by the media. Unfortunately for us humans, the monsters have all the intellectual acumen of the Jurassic Park velociraptors. They've got no problems opening doors, unlocking locks, and manipulating other man-made objects. Even more unfortunately, the monsters have a nasty habit of cracking human skulls and sucking out the contents with a proboscis-like appendage. I'm reflecting on the nature of these creatures while I run, which is why I've got the above information, I suppose. However, the dream ended in my sudden awakening just as the monsters were at my heels, and so we'll never know how the species fared (or even how I fared) after this particular dream's invasion.

I am at my apartment. It's the dream version of where I live, meaning that I have twice the space, the apartment is spotless, and everything in it is generally spiffier. Vito's status as primary pet is compromised, as I have a unnecessarily large pride of cats in my apartment. It seems as if most of them aren't mine, however. There are only two cats with collars; one is Vito and the other is a black and gray tabby named Turbo. I am surprised by the presence of all of these cats, and I quickly realize that the one with the "Vito" collar is not Vito, after all. I chase down every male orange tabby until I find the real Vito. Meanwhile, three cats have cornered a small mouse behind my radiator and are playing with it. My mom, who suddenly appears in the dream, is terribly disgusted by the mouse-hunting behavior.

I am auditioning for Redefined (http://www.uwredefined.com/), a local undergraduate a cappella group for which I auditioned during the first semester of my freshman year (Got through the majority of callbacks, but I didn't make the final cut). As with the first time I auditioned, Tiff and I are going about this process together. However, the previous time I auditioned, we simply sang a song of our choice a cappella. What's going on this time is much more elaborate, however. A staggering amount of people show up to the pre-audition meeting. We're separated into groups and sent into different lecture halls of Ag Hall to perform. My competitors have put serious work into their pieces. They've all dragged elaborate set pieces and costuming up the stairs to our audition room. Tiffany and I are incredibly embarrassed about our lack of preparation, but we follow the singers in to audition, regardless. We watch the myriad performances. The only one that sticks with me is a Blue Man Group-style performance, complete with drums, pulsating bass, and splattering paint. Oh, and there was some a cappella singing in there, as well.

I head, with a sense of dread, to my four hour-long ecology discussion/lab. Strangely, Tiff and her boyfriend are there when I arrive. I ask them why they've come, and Tiff replies, "We wouldn't want to miss this." I am confused.

The reasons for their interest in my normally mundane class soon become clear. My TA, Sarah, is leading our lab in some sort of a séance. Surveying us with a black lace shawl wrapped around her head, she nods silently. Then Sarah dims the lights. Someone giggles, and she stares at them reprovingly. One girl has brought a snack of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies for the lab, which Sarah intercepts, reappropriating the cookies as holders for tapered white candles. These are placed with care around the room. Under Sarah's direction, we arrange our chairs in a large circle and drape black fabric over our laps. It seems as if the entire class is taken aback at how seriously Sarah's approaching this séance. We stifle our snickers and roll our eyes as she directs us to hold hands and, throwing her head back, begins to chant.

I am at a studio, where Scott is participating in some sort of Bravo reality show. Everyone is preparing for shooting of the inaugural episode of a singing competition, a la American Idol. Scott is really irritated at this point, as he didn't really understand what he was getting himself into. I think this whole situation is hilarious. They assign contestants songs, which pisses Scott off even more (No, you cannot sing "Holy Diver" as a joke.). He gets "Night Fever," and when wardrobe comes in with spangly bellbottoms and an afro wig, I know that it's time to leave. If this running joke of a participation in reality television goes any farther, Scott might be charged with assault.

I am on the lam. I can only vaguely recall the crime that I committed, but I do remember that it involved three separate tasks which I think were derived from a dungeon in Zelda: Ocarina of Time, which I played before bed last night. Initially, Sarah is also on the run with me. As we know that a huge police force is after us, we leave my apartment (which is a snazzier version of my current place) as soon as possible. In an attempt to do the unexpected, we don't leave the building, but enter the apartment across the hallway from mine to hide. Luckily, the apartment is host to a handful of really stoned hippies and a few similarly stoned kittens, who couldn't care less about our intrusion. In fact, they're kind enough to lend us a change of clothes and help Sarah and I cut and dye our hair. I feel badly doing it, but I take a wad of cash off of a hippie's dresser. If we continue to run from the police, we won't be able to use plastic. After the theft, the kittens seem to be on to me, as they're biting and scratching me incessantly.

Over time, Sarah's no longer on the run with me, though I've no explanation for her departure. I go through a number of chase scenes somewhat similar to the Bourne Ultimatum foot chase through the city. Tightly followed by police, I'm entering apartments and houses in an attempt to lose my tail. These chases are taking place in a city similar to Madison; most of the housing I'm invading is leased to students, and later in the dream, I am being chased through buildings on a college campus. I hot-wire a few vehicles, and at one point, I almost get away with purchasing a ticket and boarding a plane with a false identity. I'm pleasantly surprised by the number of people willing to help me on the sly. Using public phones and code-speak, I am able to arrange several meetings with family and friends. One of these meetings takes place at a delicious Japanese restaurant, where I have a spread of sushi I've never before encountered. I am wary of land lines and surveillance systems.

Eventually, I illegally cross the border into Canada, adopt an alias, and emigrate to France. I run into Evan in Paris, and we talk about our blogs. I compliment him on his excellent writing. He says he hopes to continue reading about my dreams. The dream ends as I'm walking away from Evan down a beautiful Parisian street.