What I Dreamt

2007-11-29T10:05:00.000-06:00

I am in high school, and I'm dating a certain individual from my graduating class. It's interesting that my brain hooked me up with this dude. I considered him very attractive when I met him, but upon better exposure to his personality, he turned out to be undatable. He was nice enough, but egocentricity and a habit of pointing out how he went to the best parties (where he got sooooo drunk, high, etc.) made for boring conversation in the long run. Anyway, as a couple, we're the touchy-feely type, making out in the hallways and simpering sweet nothings at one another.

We're interrupted twice during the school day resultant to bomb threats. We dutifully file out of the classrooms on both occasions. I am, of course, obsessively hanging over my boyfriend. Along with our friends, we're conspiring to escape the campus while they're searching the building for explosives. Our efforts are in vain, however, and we're herded back inside to live through the monotony that is another day at high school.

2007-11-28T08:42:00.000-06:00

So, for the record, I am aware that I'm probably boring the living hell out of my readers (reader?) out there, but my dream recall has been nil lately. What can you do?

1. (over Thanksgiving weekend) We watched Knocked Up again, which always seems to be followed by a pregnancy-related dream for yours truly. This dream was strange for me because no one in it, myself included, seemed to have any adverse reaction to the fact that I was pregnant. My parents and sisters were really amped about the situation. They occupied their time with pitching boy and girl names to me and oohing over the prospect of buying baby clothes. I had no anxiety or depression over the bun in the oven, as I would were I to be impregnated in real life (i.e., there goes that whole career in medicine thing). Instead, I was busy, running around to obtain all of the appropriate accoutrement that one must have for infants. And while I seemed largely indifferent to the tiny life burgeoning within me, I was catching a bit of the baby fever from my family. Also interesting to note: there was no father present in the dream. I don't know who he was, since he never came up at all.

2. (last night) Monsters are chasing me through a city which seems similar to New York. I am running all out, but I begin to get that ooky dream feeling of "I can't run fast enough," and the monsters are getting ever closer to me. These monsters are assumed to be an alien race, as they've been branded ETs by the media. Unfortunately for us humans, the monsters have all the intellectual acumen of the Jurassic Park velociraptors. They've got no problems opening doors, unlocking locks, and manipulating other man-made objects. Even more unfortunately, the monsters have a nasty habit of cracking human skulls and sucking out the contents with a proboscis-like appendage. I'm reflecting on the nature of these creatures while I run, which is why I've got the above information, I suppose. However, the dream ended in my sudden awakening just as the monsters were at my heels, and so we'll never know how the species fared (or even how I fared) after this particular dream's invasion.

2007-11-07T09:28:00.000-06:00

I am at my apartment. It's the dream version of where I live, meaning that I have twice the space, the apartment is spotless, and everything in it is generally spiffier. Vito's status as primary pet is compromised, as I have a unnecessarily large pride of cats in my apartment. It seems as if most of them aren't mine, however. There are only two cats with collars; one is Vito and the other is a black and gray tabby named Turbo. I am surprised by the presence of all of these cats, and I quickly realize that the one with the "Vito" collar is not Vito, after all. I chase down every male orange tabby until I find the real Vito. Meanwhile, three cats have cornered a small mouse behind my radiator and are playing with it. My mom, who suddenly appears in the dream, is terribly disgusted by the mouse-hunting behavior.

2007-11-05T09:03:00.000-06:00

I am auditioning for Redefined (http://www.uwredefined.com/), a local undergraduate a cappella group for which I auditioned during the first semester of my freshman year (Got through the majority of callbacks, but I didn't make the final cut). As with the first time I auditioned, Tiff and I are going about this process together. However, the previous time I auditioned, we simply sang a song of our choice a cappella. What's going on this time is much more elaborate, however. A staggering amount of people show up to the pre-audition meeting. We're separated into groups and sent into different lecture halls of Ag Hall to perform. My competitors have put serious work into their pieces. They've all dragged elaborate set pieces and costuming up the stairs to our audition room. Tiffany and I are incredibly embarrassed about our lack of preparation, but we follow the singers in to audition, regardless. We watch the myriad performances. The only one that sticks with me is a Blue Man Group-style performance, complete with drums, pulsating bass, and splattering paint. Oh, and there was some a cappella singing in there, as well.

2007-10-30T09:54:00.000-05:00

I head, with a sense of dread, to my four hour-long ecology discussion/lab. Strangely, Tiff and her boyfriend are there when I arrive. I ask them why they've come, and Tiff replies, "We wouldn't want to miss this." I am confused.

The reasons for their interest in my normally mundane class soon become clear. My TA, Sarah, is leading our lab in some sort of a séance. Surveying us with a black lace shawl wrapped around her head, she nods silently. Then Sarah dims the lights. Someone giggles, and she stares at them reprovingly. One girl has brought a snack of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies for the lab, which Sarah intercepts, reappropriating the cookies as holders for tapered white candles. These are placed with care around the room. Under Sarah's direction, we arrange our chairs in a large circle and drape black fabric over our laps. It seems as if the entire class is taken aback at how seriously Sarah's approaching this séance. We stifle our snickers and roll our eyes as she directs us to hold hands and, throwing her head back, begins to chant.

2007-10-25T09:14:00.000-05:00

I am at a studio, where Scott is participating in some sort of Bravo reality show. Everyone is preparing for shooting of the inaugural episode of a singing competition, a la American Idol. Scott is really irritated at this point, as he didn't really understand what he was getting himself into. I think this whole situation is hilarious. They assign contestants songs, which pisses Scott off even more (No, you cannot sing "Holy Diver" as a joke.). He gets "Night Fever," and when wardrobe comes in with spangly bellbottoms and an afro wig, I know that it's time to leave. If this running joke of a participation in reality television goes any farther, Scott might be charged with assault.

2007-10-22T08:52:00.000-05:00

I am on the lam. I can only vaguely recall the crime that I committed, but I do remember that it involved three separate tasks which I think were derived from a dungeon in Zelda: Ocarina of Time, which I played before bed last night. Initially, Sarah is also on the run with me. As we know that a huge police force is after us, we leave my apartment (which is a snazzier version of my current place) as soon as possible. In an attempt to do the unexpected, we don't leave the building, but enter the apartment across the hallway from mine to hide. Luckily, the apartment is host to a handful of really stoned hippies and a few similarly stoned kittens, who couldn't care less about our intrusion. In fact, they're kind enough to lend us a change of clothes and help Sarah and I cut and dye our hair. I feel badly doing it, but I take a wad of cash off of a hippie's dresser. If we continue to run from the police, we won't be able to use plastic. After the theft, the kittens seem to be on to me, as they're biting and scratching me incessantly.

Over time, Sarah's no longer on the run with me, though I've no explanation for her departure. I go through a number of chase scenes somewhat similar to the Bourne Ultimatum foot chase through the city. Tightly followed by police, I'm entering apartments and houses in an attempt to lose my tail. These chases are taking place in a city similar to Madison; most of the housing I'm invading is leased to students, and later in the dream, I am being chased through buildings on a college campus. I hot-wire a few vehicles, and at one point, I almost get away with purchasing a ticket and boarding a plane with a false identity. I'm pleasantly surprised by the number of people willing to help me on the sly. Using public phones and code-speak, I am able to arrange several meetings with family and friends. One of these meetings takes place at a delicious Japanese restaurant, where I have a spread of sushi I've never before encountered. I am wary of land lines and surveillance systems.

Eventually, I illegally cross the border into Canada, adopt an alias, and emigrate to France. I run into Evan in Paris, and we talk about our blogs. I compliment him on his excellent writing. He says he hopes to continue reading about my dreams. The dream ends as I'm walking away from Evan down a beautiful Parisian street.

2007-10-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine who's about to graduate but has no real career direction tells me that she's going to Thailand for a year. I'm happy for her, but I'm curious to hear what she'll be doing while in southeast Asia. "Plumbing!" she exclaims excitedly. Now I'm confused. I ask her why the hell she's going to be a plumber, as she's got no experience nor interest in the field; she replies that it was the only viable job she could find. That's a ludicrous claim, so I don't believe her. Our back-and-forth banter on the subject turns into an argument, and I'm accusing her of wasting her twenties dicking around when she should be focusing on career development. I let her know that someday her parents, richer than most, won't pay for her preferred lifestyle based on travel. She leaves in a flurry of anger. I sulk, determined that I'll ultimately be this argument's winner.

2007-10-18T09:57:00.000-05:00

I've still been able to recall some of my dreams, but midterms and laziness have kept me from writing them down. Here are some from the last few days.

1. (last night) I'm riding my bike around the city. It feels a lot like the freedom and lightness you feel when you're flying in a dream, and I can't get enough. However, I've got some homework to finish before the next day of school, so I have to get back home. I head to the bike rack across from my apartment and am about to struggle (as I always do) to lock the bike up correctly when a young boy running by grabs the "u" part of my u-lock and takes off down State Street. I am furious, and I follow my first instinct; I chase that brat down and get my lock back. He appears to be embarrassed and runs away from me. However, as I walk back to the bike rack, I see the kid jump into a truck parked in the nearby cul-de-sac. His father is throwing my bike in the truckbed. They speed off. When I call the cops with his license plate number, they thank me, telling me that this scam has been going on for months.

2. I am at work in an office building, where I am apparently filling some sort of clerical position during the summer. My boss is a singularly creepy individual; it's almost like he's a vampire dressing up to play human. There are no fangs or anything else that would be a dead giveaway, but he's pale and reclusive, preferring to work in an almost totally dark office (which seems as if it would be less than conducive to completion of said work). Today, he asks me to clean out his aquarium, which is placed in a window so that the fish don't have to adopt his light-disavowing habits. The aquarium is almost as creepy as the boss. Big beakers have been placed in the tank, floating above the water level, and they're filled with strange food products. One beaker's full of marinara sauce, while another has a couple of raw eggs in the bottom. Obviously, all of this food is rotting in the sun, and while fish don't really express emotion in a detectable way, I'm pretty sure that they're less than happy with their environmental situation. I'm unsure if I should just clean the tank, or if I should also clean up these bizarre food beakers. In an effort to reduce overall office creepiness, I throw out the beakers and clean the aquarium. My boss compliments me on my cleaning skills, and I fear that I'll be valued more as a maid than as an intellectual equal. I hate working for this misogynistic vampire guy, dammit. (Weird dream, huh?)

3. I'm buying a small bag of pot from a local dealer. He tells me to weigh out the bag on my own, and when I go to use the scale, I am positive that it's rigged to display a heavier than actual value. I am shocked that my supplier is trying to scam me, so I confront him. As he makes a claim for his innocence, I hear sirens outside his apartment. I take my suspiciously nlight bag, throw some money down, and sprint for the back door. If what I think is about to go down does, I might as well get some weed out of the situation.

2007-10-08T12:14:00.000-05:00

1. (10/6) I am finishing up a solo dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant. I hand my credit card and the bill to my waiter and lean back in my seat, relaxing after my delicious meal. He returns in a moment, informing me that my card does not function. When I look at the front of the card, I can see that the numbers are worn down and blurry to the point of being illegible. Furthermore, the magnetic strip on the back is all scratched up. I am horribly embarrassed, as I've no way to pay for my dinner at this point. I am lowered to the point of dine-and-dash, and as soon as the waiter walks away, I scurry out the back door in shame.

2. (last night) My ecology lab is about to begin. These labs are almost always field trip hikes through southern Wisconsin forests, and I need a better way to take notes than writing against a tree or my thigh. I am looking for a clipboard; because I know I don't have one of my own, I'm rifling through Tiff's room. I come across a fancy notebook covered in textured black leather and, out of curiosity, I open it. The contents of the notebook are upsetting. Tiff has kept a log of my misdeeds since we started rooming together. She's cataloged everything I've done incorrectly in the past year by date. I am so depressed after reading this log, and I resolve to be a better person and roommate. I carefully replace the notebook in its not-so-hidden hiding place and abruptly stop my clipboard search.
(Note: Tiff, not being a crazy person, would never create such a notebook. However, this dream was so wildly self-critical that I would like to be a better human being as a result.)

2007-10-01T08:58:00.000-05:00

1. (Nap, 9/30) I realize that someone has taken out my garbage. While this is a pleasant surprise, it's very strange. Even weirder are the two new receptacles placed next to the normal garbage can. Suddenly, my parents are next to me, smiling and proud. They explain that one of the new cans is there because they thought my current recycling bin was far too diminutive. The second can is the cat litter equivalent of a diaper genie. One is supposed to throw cat refuse into the bin and seal it off in the depths of the bin with a twist. I am glad that they helped me, but very confused by the odd gifts.

2. (10/1) Michael Franti and Spearhead (whom I saw at the Orpheum last night) are playing a free outdoor show at the Terrace. It seems like most of the student body has turned out for the event, and people are getting rowdy -- there is a lot of the jumping that Franti always calls for. I've come to the concert to meet up with Scott, who had some sort of meeting in the late afternoon. There's no hope finding him in all of the chaos of the show, so after they play East to the West, I head back to the apartment. As it turns out, Scott never went to the Terrace; he played with Vito for a couple of hours instead.

2007-09-26T08:50:00.000-05:00

I am hiking to the top of a snow-covered hill. The land around me is covered in evergreen forest. I got the sense that I was trying to get away from people I was with, but these detail are lost to the dream. When I reach the top of the hill, I notice that someone has built a ski run down the hill and right into their backyard, complete with a ramshackle lift. As I am atop the hill thinking about the best way to get back home, a man on horseback rides up to me. He asks if he can give me a ride somewhere. I say yes, and he immediately asks me if I need help mounting the horse. Initially, I decline, but I realize he's riding saddleless. After one poor attempt to jump onto the horse without the use of a stirrup (and terrifying the horse in the process), he hoists me up himself. We trot down the hill.

For no discernible reason, we switch locations abruptly, and we're now riding through Sarah's dorm. As we ride down her hallways to the elevator, I see my mom and yell a hello her way. As we wait on horseback for the elevator (??), mama approaches me, furious. She tells me that it was very rude to ride by her without stopping to chat. I am very embarrassed that she'd lecture me like a child in front of my horse-owning companion.

2007-09-24T08:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, I have an embarrassing confession to make regarding last night's dream. Before bed, I was watching What Women Want, that turn-of-the-century masterpiece starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. Because I was fourteen when said flick came out, I loved it. I am fully aware that it is a terrible and silly romantic comedy. If you now have complaints about my character, please address them to fourteen-year-old Julia.

As a result, I dreamt little variations on and snippets of the movie all night long. That's right; Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt were haphazardly (and hilariously) falling in love in my dreams.

Uh, sorry.

2007-09-23T21:10:00.000-05:00

I am at home. Tiff comes in; she's just returned from her trip to Las Vegas. Of course, I ask her how the weekend was. She says that the trip wasn't that great, and its shortcomings were due to her stepsister. Her family anticipated that the stepsister would be difficult, so they planned the itinerary around her expected tantrums. Surprisingly, the stepsister was well-mannered and upbeat all weekend, and she didn't hold them back at all. They had so much time to kill that Tiff was unbearably bored. I feel badly that the trip didn't go well, and I suggest that she should bring a book along the next time she travels.

2007-09-21T08:35:00.001-05:00

I am with my family on an expansive spaceship. It's clear that the spaceship is not ours, as we're occupying ourselves with exploring its many rooms. We walk into a large room. As with every room we've entered, there is a time delay of about 15 seconds before the overhead lighting automatically switches on. In the near darkness, all I can see initially is rows and rows of cages. I'm frightened, as I am fairly certain that we've entered the ship's prison. However, when the lights kick in, we encounter something much stranger. The room is an exotic zoo of sorts. It's full of creatures alien to us, each in its own cage. Imagine all of the bizarre characters from Monsters, Inc. as zoo animals, and you've got an idea of what we see.

The family and I are walking the room individually, ogling the caged animals, when Sarah screams with shock. We run to her; she's standing in front of a cage that contains two tiny kittens, your garden variety domestic short hairs. We also see immediately why Sarah screamed. The kittens have collars embedded under their skin, but no one has tended to the hastily-sewn stitches after inserting the collars. The two young cats are very obviously in pain. Papa pulls out a medical kit and declares that we must help the animals. After applying a topical local anesthetic, he cuts the collars out and begins to sew the wounds back together neatly. One of the kittens starts to lose blood quickly. I'm holding his neck wounds together to stop blood flow while my dad works. Weirdly, the blood lost is purple at first. Bleeding continues for a minute or two, and then the blood turns a more pedestrian red. The kitten is much less lethargic and generally more kitten-like after its blood looks normal. We realize that the kittens have been poisoned into near-torpor somehow via the collars. Since all of the zoo animals have these collars, we begin to debate our next step. Most of the room's species are foreign to us, and who knows what the animals are capable of doing once fully awakened from their lethargy?

2007-09-19T08:47:00.000-05:00

1. I am with Sarah and her daughter at a public pool. I don't feel any older, but Sarah looks about ten years older, so it seems as if we have taken a jump into the future. While lounging on my chair, I happen to notice an attractive man at the pool with a young boy. He looks very similar to Scott, but it's a different guy. When I tell him that he has a beautiful son, he laughs and corrects me, saying that the kid is his nephew. We chat for a while, and we're clicking nicely, but Sarah has to get going, so I leave.

A few weeks later, I'm at a potluck function for Sarah's daughter's elementary school. I've made some sort of salmon casserole that looks just as horrible as anything else at a potluck. Imagine my surprise when I run into the same guy at the potluck; apparently, my niece and his nephew attend the same school. As Sarah, her daughter, and I are getting into our cars to leave, he comes over to talk to me. We're hitting it off once again, and I move the salmon casserole to the backseat so that he can sit down next to me. (I had a semi-lucid moment here, because I was pushing my dream self to give him my number.) He tells me that he has to take off, and I give him my number. We have an awkward moment of silence in the car, because neither of us wants to leave it at that.

I think I was still channeling that strange tenth dimension video last night, because in the third segment of this dream, I was in a higher dimension with the guy. We are extremely comfortable with one another, as if we have been dating for some time. We feel flat in this dream, as if we're two-dimensional, but this higher dimension is characterized by bright swirling colors and a lack of linear time. Though we never slept together in this dimension, we were having a very passionate, cinematic make-out session. It was bizarre, given the scenery.

2. I'm at a special meeting of my communicative disorders class. When I arrive, I'm surprised that there are probably 200 people at the meeting, since there are only about 40 people in the class. My professor is up at the front, telling us to get into partners. I partner up with Stephanie from my high school. For some reason, all of the attendees have brought a dessert to pass, so everyone is snacking on scotcheroos and chocolate chip cookies while listening to instructions. I begin to realize that this meeting isn't for my class; it's actually a meeting for all those interested in volunteering in the com dis department. I feel guilty for partnering up, since I don't have time in my schedule for yet another lab. When I tell the professor of my mistake, she stares me down. It's pretty obvious that I haven't been paying much attention in her class (It's not my fault that the neuroanatomy information she presents is meant for com dis grad students and is therefore extraordinarily simplistic and boring.).

2007-09-18T08:24:00.000-05:00

Last night, I think my brain was trying to wrap itself around ideas introduced in this video about the tenth dimension http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qU1fixMAObI, which I watched before bed last night. The dream was nonlinear and really impossible to describe, but you should watch the video so that you know what I mean.

2007-09-17T07:09:00.000-05:00

1. (Sat., 9/15) I am participating in a local walk supporting children with Down Syndrome. About halfway through the walk, someone informs me that he knows of another participant who hails from my hometown. He brings over the participant to meet me. I look up to see my old friend, Patrick M. Patrick went to my elementary school, but his parents went through a messy divorce when we were in middle school, and he ended up moving away to who knows where. He has Down Syndrome. It's strange to see him so many years later; he must be about 24, but his cognitive function is the same as when I knew him in elementary school. We were close friends, yet I'm still surprised that he remembers me. I cry.

2. (Sun., 9/16) I am walking into my history discussion when I see many people pulling out typed papers. Apparently, the questions that the TA emailed out, which I had thought were some sort of agenda for discussion, were homework questions due at the start of the period. I am experiencing that sinking feeling associated with complete forgetfulness of an assignment, and I'm extremely anxious. (I can't believe that I'm still having "I didn't do my homework!" dreams. Hopefully, these dreams will stop someday.)

2007-09-14T08:34:00.001-05:00

1. I and a number of my close friends are superheroes. My powers are flight and super strength. Sadly, I can't remember the superpowers of any of my friends, except that many of them could fly, as well. The catch with our superpowers is that they're effective at full strength only initially; over time, the powers "fatigue" and one must rest to recharge powers to full strength again. For some reason, my power of flight never "fatigues," and I have a great time flying all over the city (which I think was supposed to be New York City).

2. When reach for my wallet to make a purchase, I realize that my debit card is missing. After a cursory search, I can't find the card anywhere. I'm nervous that it's been stolen. Worse yet, it's a Sunday, and the credit union is most definitely closed. I try the credit union's number anyway and, miraculously, a man named Tim answers. He is able to cancel my debit card and issue me a new one, to be mailed on Monday. Later that day, I'm on a spacious yacht belonging to the president of the credit union. I tell her of Tim's great service, and I thank her for being available to solve major problems on Sundays. I leave her to explore the yacht with a group of friends. On the lower level, we discover a number of stripper poles. We leave the yacht, wondering about the secret life of the credit union president.

2007-09-12T08:33:00.000-05:00

I am making myself a nice, gooey bowl of homemade macaroni and cheese, and I'm really enjoying the prospect of enjoying my meal with a tall glass of milk. Unfortunately, I used the remainder of a gallon in making the mac and cheese. Tiffany was nice enough to take care of this problem for me; she left a few minutes ago to go pick up some more milk, so I'm waiting for her arrival before I dig in.

Tiff returns promptly with bad news. Walgreen's has stopped selling milk. I am really bummed, because this mac and cheese just won't taste as good with water or lemonade.

2007-09-08T10:08:00.001-05:00

I am with Scott in New York City. We're heading to a special sneak preview of Emeril Lagasse's new restaurant uptown. It's built upon a high-class brew pub concept. As we walk into the restaurant, we're awestruck at the number of taps available. There are tappers lining the entire length of the bar, and each dining table has its own tap, as well. Apparently, the idea is for people to pick a brew while making reservations; they'll be seated at a table with a tap of their beer of choice. We run into Emeril at this private sneak preview, and he tells us that 1500 tap and bottled beers will be served at the place. I am embarrassed because, at some point in the evening, I've dirtied my hands and feet -- in fact, they're almost black in color. This is mortifying, as I've noticed my messy appearance right before meeting the big man himself.

Note: Emeril irritates me in real life, but it would be sweet if he took my restaurant concept and ran with it.

2007-09-07T07:19:00.000-05:00

I only remember random snippets from last night's dream, so the descriptions below are very disconnected.

- Kori is driving a yellow school bus around Madison. It's an old clunker, and it creaks and groans as we drive it down the road. She's supremely irritated, since it's been a total bitch to find parking for her new wheels. We end up parking the beast so that we're blocking half of a Budget Bicycle driveway.
- I'm with my mom and a few other people. We're getting out of our family van in front of a bank. In front of the building is a man with a huge display of lollipops. There are bunches and bunches of Dum Dums arranged in little kiosks all around the table at which he's sitting. This is like a divine intervention of sorts, since I've got a horrible metal taste in my mouth that won't go away. However, the man with thousands of lollipops flatly refuses my request for some candy; he's only authorized to give Dum Dums away to people who apply for a loan. I am irritated, since he's obviously got plenty to spare.
- There's a wide-eyed freshman sitting next to me in some discussion section. We're nearing the end of class, and she's stressing out, worried that she won't make it to her next class on time. For some reason, she won't listen to me, though I've assured her several times that the building for her next class is directly across the street from us.

I woke up a five a.m. after this strange dream concluded. Sadly, I know that the one dream element I really wanted to remember for the blog was lost when I went back to sleep.

2007-09-02T09:19:00.000-05:00

I don't have any details, but I remember that in last night's dream, Vito shit on Scott's Wii. And this was not a little pile; quite the contrary. We're talking a coat over the entire surface of the Wii. It was awful-looking, and I hadn't gotten the courage to start cleaning by the time this dream ended.

(Vito's been having accident issues lately. He's going to the vet as soon as this weekend is over.)

2007-08-29T08:32:00.000-05:00

I am a professional competitive eater. My partner (a very thin Japanese man) and I are training for an event that will occur in two weeks - it's a brat-eating contest, and we want to be well prepared. We start off with a large Caesar salad split between us. The salad was made in an industrial-sized mixing bowl, and it looks like it can hold maybe ten gallons. After we scarf the salad down easily, we begin to eat ice cream. It's flavored with chocolate and peanut butter, and we're eating out of a fifteen gallon cardboard carton, similar to the ones they have in ice cream shops, only bigger. Ice cream is one of my favorite foods to eat, so I'm wolfing it down the hatch much faster than my partner. Suddenly, a Mr. Miyagi-like character steps out of the shadows and raps my partner on the head with a cane. This coach character lets my partner know in no uncertain terms that if he falls behind me again, he will be severely punished.

2007-08-28T08:30:00.000-05:00

I am on a sound stage hosting some Today-like morning talk program. We're doing a segment on makeup for fall, and the lady we've got on to host the piece is not Joan Rivers, but she's got the same stylist. You know the look: pink tweed pantsuit, 30-odd years of facial plastic surgery, and heavy, heavy pancake clown makeup. After filming stops, the woman begins to attack my look in a passive-aggressive manner. I wear little to no makeup on a day-to-day basis (true), and Rivers-doppelgänger is aghast that I haven't even bothered to wear eyeliner and lipliner on the air. She's walking me through the compact options that she'd recommend I immediately start implementing into my daily routine, and, much to my chagrin, my mother is walking behind Rivers-doppelgänger, nodding and smiling at her suggestions. Mama has the nerve to tell me that Rivers-doppelgänger is totally right, that I should be more aware of my appearance. I am irritated, because success in medical school has nothing to do with my makeup habits. (After writing this, I'm kind of thinking that Rivers is her own doppelgänger, but whatever. Also, interesting fun fact: when I image googled "too much makeup" in order to find a picture for this post, Tammy Faye Baker popped up everywhere, but no Joan Rivers. Since Baker just kicked the bucket, I'll keep it classy with another picture.)

After I leave the sound stage, I run into a guy I know. This guy always has beautiful curly hair (not you, Scott, though your hair's also very nice). For some reason, he's chopped his hair into a very short and wholly unappealing buzz cut. The effect is so dramatic that I don't recognize him at first. However, as soon as he opens his mouth, I can tell who he is. Years of people telling this kid he's a genius (which he is, in some respects) haven't served him all that well; he assumes that he's an authority on many subjects, when, in fact, he presents himself as pompous and extremely irritating most of the time.

I ditch the kid and take a route walking home with my mom that leads us right by St. Patrick's Parish, the church at which I was First Communion-ed and confirmed. I spot a limo in the driveway along with rows of catering tables - a wedding's obviously taking place. Mama insists that we peek inside to see who's getting hitched, so we walk in the main entrance. St. Pat's is magnificent in my dream, with a vestibule that's more like a huge reception hall. Tables are set up in here for the post-nuptials dinner and dance. Of course, my mom immediately spots a woman she recognizes and is assigned by said woman to man the guest book. I follow her to the guest book table, but she soon sees someone else she must greet, and she abandons me. I am grudgingly manning her post when a woman who looks vaguely familiar approaches. She begins to tell me a story about the mysterious disappearance and death of a man who is apparently one of her relatives. He was going out to meet a friend whose truck had stalled in an isolated area, and the last person who saw him alive was the person at Citgo who sold him cigarettes on his way out of town. I am very intrigued by her story, and I ask her questions until I've gotten all useful information about the case from her. (I had a weird in-dream déjà vu experience while the woman was telling the story of this unsolved murder. I don't know if it was a component of another dream that I'd forgotten before writing down or if the story's loosely based on reality. It was truly bizarre to feel déjà vu in a dream, in any case.)

2007-08-26T12:31:00.000-05:00

I am at my apartment hanging out with a few people, including Scott, Courtney, and Sarah. We're just sitting around, having a few drinks. I go to the bathroom, and when I return to the living room, there are fifteen or twenty more people standing around. Someone's cranked some crappy rap music up, and I am apparently throwing a party now. I don't know anyone who's raided my apartment, and I am furious.

Vito woke me up, and I fell asleep to have a dream very similar to the first. The only real difference was that party guests knocked at my door. When I answered the door, the fifteen or twenty strangers swarmed in my living room with a keg and started getting ridiculous. I was still very angry during this dream.

2007-08-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting on the couch in my living room, petting Vito, who's asleep on my lap. Tiff comes in, followed by a handful of people. I think I see my landlord coming in the door. (I haven't told her yet that I got a kitten -- it adds a surcharge to the rent. Paying the surcharge isn't an issue, but I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. This makes Vito an undercover kitty, at present.) I leap up and basically thrust Vito in her arms, saying excitedly, "I got a kitten!" I think I was trying to act really pumped, like I had just acquired the cat. Anyway, the person I thrust Vito upon is not my landlord. It's Tiff's father's new girlfriend, and she's allergic to cats. I am embarrassed.

2007-08-23T09:31:00.000-05:00

I only remember one tiny snippet from my dream last night, but I'll blog it, as I'm known for my great subtlety. If you know me, you'll likely be amused.

A friend's boyfriend is following me around my apartment. He's getting underfoot the way a small child or animal would. I think he's trying to help me with something, as this guy's been sucking up to me for months now. Little does he know he's trying to dig himself out of a whole a mile deep and a foot wide. I turn around to face him and, nose to nose, in my politest voice, I tell him to fuck off.

(If I would've gone lucid in this dream, what a time I would have enjoyed! Sadly, it was not to be; I didn't get to rant to this dude like I've always wanted to in real life.)

2007-08-22T07:07:00.000-05:00

I am at the movies, in the company two girls with whom I went to high school. For anonymity and simplicity, I'll refer to them as Girl #1 and Girl #2. Girl #1 is, strangely enough, the same bitchy woman who recently made another dream appearance (I honestly have no idea why she keeps popping up. Still haven't seen her since graduation.). Girl #2 was a friend of mine. We're in the theatre watching some slasher flick; it's one of those where the killer is a sadistic semi driver who stalks his unsuspecting victims along the fine highways of America, A.K.A. your basic, formulaic, lame horror movie.

When the credits finally roll, I am complaining about how crappy the movie was and commenting to the girls that we should've gone to something we knew would be decent. Girl #1 replies by telling me that I am too judgmental and conceited when it comes to film and basically tells me to lower my pompous standards. Girl #2 does what she always did in high school in similar situations. (She was a fairly popular girl who got along well with everyone. If Girl #2 and I were alone, we'd get along swimmingly. However, if she was in the presence of people who were of a higher high school caste than my own, she would defer to them and ignore me, for all intensive purposes. She was so fun to hang out with that she got away with this, and I remained friends with her.) Since Girl #1 is higher on the social food chain, Girl #2 backs her up and denigrates my taste in movies. I am shocked that she still acts in such an immature fashion, considering that high school rank hardly matters after graduation day. This behavior makes me angry, and more than a little bit sorry for her.

We leave the theatre and head to an appointment. I don't know where or why we're going until we arrive at Miller Park. We head out onto the field, joining the team, who are running some batting drills. I go over and chit-chat to Prince Fielder as he is working on his long ball. He's hitting homers left, right, and center while I'm talking him up about the season, etc. Girl #2 is talking J.J. Hardy's ear off, while Girl #1 can't get anyone to pay her any attention except Matt Wise. I laugh. Girl #2 and I leave for dinner with Prince and J.J., ditching Girl #1, who's still trying to find a better Brewers dinner date.

2007-08-19T14:12:00.000-05:00

I am at the annual School of Medicine ice cream social. I'm excited to be there and very hungry, so I head to the tables to check out what flavors are available this year. All of the administrative staff are peddling their wares, but the ice cream flavors that they're scooping are just bizarre. The flavors are strange combinations, e.g., blueberry caramel cashew crunch. As I walk from staff member to staff member, I feel more and more disappointed with the way the ice cream social's turned out this year. Though everyone's eager to give me ice cream, nothing on hand is even remotely appealing. I eventually settle on a peach cobbler chocolate combo, and I am supremely annoyed with the dessert I end up eating.

(Weird dream, especially considering that the SMPH ice cream social is always delicious.)

2007-08-17T09:27:00.000-05:00

Several people are over at my Madison apartment to meet and play with Vito, my new kitten. For no apparent reason, one of my guests is this extremely arrogant bitch from my high school graduating class, whom I haven't seen since the graduation ceremony.

Vito's really excited, because I've purchased him canned food after a recommendation from the vet. He loves it, and gobbles up a whole small can in a matter of minutes. (I did buy Vito canned food yesterday. The vet recommended that I give him the extra fat and protein found in canned food, since he's got very little body fat at present.)

My guests and I are looking at pictures of my trip with Scott to Bonnaroo. I'm wearing these large sunglasses in most pictures, and my bitchy guest happens to comment on how hideous they are in a very passive-aggressive manner. She also lets me know that it's a good thing those sunglasses are now broken, since they must be an embarrassment to wear.

Soon after, Vito, who's been making weird gulping sounds for a minute or two after eating his meal, climbs onto the bitch's lap. Shortly thereafter, he upchucks all over her skirt. I am delighted; instant karma does exist. Thanks, Vito.

2007-08-15T09:07:00.000-05:00

I'm heading into my old high school with Tiffany and my sister, Sarah. For some reason, school was optional for students today, but my mother's still forced me to attend. We head to our first class, which is in some area of science. Tiff informs me that since most of the class is absent today, we're supposed to be watching a video entitled "Epidemic" which focuses on the spread of multiple diseases, including the medieval plague, polio, ebola, and AIDS. This doesn't exactly forecast a happy-go-lucky start to the day, but when Mrs. Kemp (my favorite high school biology teacher) tries to put the tape into the VCR, it breaks immediately.

We put our chairs into a large circle, intent on discussing disease spread instead of watching the film. For some reason, Mrs. Goodman (the district RN) is acting as an aide to our class of about ten students. Interestingly, after the tape breaks, the class unanimously decides that we're not staying. I begin to leave the classroom and head home with Sarah. Instantly, Mrs. Goodman is on my tail, guilting me about my decision to leave school. She follows me all the way out to my car. I remember Sarah drove us home, because she unlocked and started the Prelude while I distracted Mrs. Goodman for the time being.

2007-08-13T09:12:00.000-05:00

I am outside in the country, frantically looking around. My kitten has just run away, and I'm worried that I won't be able to find him. Eventually, I see a few kittens playing together. Two have the same coloring as my cat: orange stripes with patches of white. I am worried at first that I won't be able to tell my cat from the other, similar one. These worries soon disappear. I'd know Vito anywhere, as I've never heard a kitten talk so much in my life. Happily, I grab Vito from the other cats and walk away.

(Just got a kitten Saturday. Since he's always lazing on my bed at night, I wouldn't be surprised if I have a few cat-themed dreams.)

2007-08-10T09:49:00.000-05:00

1. I am with my immediate family members and Aunt Patty (my father's sister). We're walking through a very scenic rural area. I hear my father and Aunt Patty pointing out places as we pass and reminiscing about their youth. I figure that we must be in the Rouses Point area, where my father was raised. He points out his favorite place to swim as a kid and his father's fishing spot. We enter heavy woods, and, although it's midday, we can hardly see in front of our faces. My father and Aunt Patty lead the way, since they've obviously been through these woods many times before. After a good 15-minute hike, we emerge in Rouses Point; we've returned to civilization, kind of.

2. In my second dream, I was having my car repaired by an untrustworthy mechanic. Working as a one-woman Better Business Bureau, I aimed to catch him in the act. I hired a private investigator to track the mechanic's shady repairs and even shadier price inflations. I remember feeling incredibly self-satisfied, though there was no recompense for my suffering at his hand in the dream.

2007-08-09T08:02:00.001-05:00

1. I am with my sisters at home. We're going to a birthday party later on in the day, and we're trying to think of a suitable present for the kid. The kid whose birthday we're celebrating is in L&E's class, a real pain whom we can't stand in real life. For some unknown reason, the most befitting gift we can think of is a nose ring piercing. He doesn't yet have his nose pierced, so we're going to get a gift certificate for the cost of piercing and buy him a nice ring to go along with it. Most of this dream was spent with me trying to get everyone involved in the van to go to Wal-Mart and buy the piercing. Once there, we agonized over jewelery choices for some time, finally deciding on a black ring.

2. I am a detective on an inner city beat, and my team and I are investigating a series of similar murders. In each case, the victim's skull has been cut away and specific brain areas have been removed. We're on the scene of another murder which appears to be associated with the same serial murderer. This victim, a young, pretty blonde woman, has had her amygdala removed, with other brain regions virtually intact. (Due to my BS in neuroscience, I've been a real boon to the team as of late.) Near the woman's body, we find a man's skull. This skull has been picked clean to the bone -- whether by time or actual cleaning, we don't know yet. The skull's got a characteristic circle cut away over the posterior portion; we know that this man is yet another victim of this bizarre brain-coveting killer. We go through the backlogs of unsolved murders, and we match the skull to the body of a victim recovered in the mid-nineties. Apparently, this killer has been at work for over a decade and has just now chosen to be more forthright with his methods. We ponder his motives as we begin to pore over the crime scene.

2007-08-06T08:01:00.000-05:00

I am with my family and Scott. We are in Asia, possibly the Himalayas, and we are bound and determined to climb to the peak of a mountain. However, compared to the surrounding mountains, the mountain we aim to climb is rather puny. For some reason, we climb a large portion of the mountain inside the mountain, like it's the Statue of Liberty or something. The pathways inside the mountain are treacherous, with plenty of falling rock and tight passages to squeeze through. When we're about halfway up the mountain, Papa opens up a hidden trap door, and we surface. The rest of the climb is difficult, in part because I've worn running shoes instead of hiking boots. Scott walks behind me to ensure I don't slip and fall a few hundred feet.

When we reach the summit, I realize what my parents didn't tell me; we were involved in a race to this mountain's peak. Our method of climbing the mountain's interior has put us far into the lead, and we've won the race. As I woke up, I remember that I was racing to descend the mountain and claim my prize (and I never knew what the prize was).

2007-08-01T08:28:00.000-05:00

I am at some sort of party. In attendance is the guy I'm physically attracted to, though I really loathe his personality most of the time. We're running in to one another repeatedly, doing a flirtatious pas de deux. Eventually, he pulls me close and tells me that he wants me. I remember feeling conflicted about this, so I still must have been with Scott in this dream. Despite my guilt, I follow him into another room, and he shuts the door.

Though I'm in his arms, we've yet to kiss or make any substantial contact when a man walks into the room we're in. I look around for the first time and realize that I'm leaning against a sink. On the wall near me is a row of urinals. I look at him in disbelief. "You took me to the men's bathroom? Seriously?" He shrugs and half-smiles sheepishly, clearly out of ideas at this point. The romantic moment is definitely broken at this point, so I turn and make a beeline for the door, apologizing to the man who interrupted us as I leave. Shaking my head, I silently vow to never let this dude make a move on me again. It's always going to be a comedy of errors, and it's always going to leave a bad afterglow.

2007-07-29T12:45:00.000-05:00

I want to throw a party. Bizarrely, instead of holding my fete at my apartment or at Courtney's place, I decide to party at Scott's. This is a bad idea for several reasons. First, everyone who attends has to commute to the party from Madison. Furthermore, Scott lives in a building with many families and children. The music from my party is so loud that we're almost immediately called in to the cops. When the police arrive, I go out in the hallway to talk to them. I'm nervous, as there are several underage drinkers at my party; I don't want them or Scott to get busted. We negotiate a deal, I turn the music down, and the fuzz leaves.

Later in the evening, I hear a knock at the door. When I answer, a gangly, dopey-looking kid nervously says hello and shoves some papers into my hands. He's handed me his resume; he's applying for the opening at my lab, and he somehow tracked me down at Scott's. I have a stern talking-to with this kid and send him packing. Who would track down a prospective employer at 11:30 during a weekend?

2007-07-27T08:10:00.000-05:00

I am at work, except for my lab appears to be a mixture of how it actually appears in real life and a touch of my high school's main office complex. I am annoyed, because I would like to get myself off, but I can't get a moment alone. Many people who shouldn't be in my lab are working for us. They are mostly people who I went to high school with, which I find totally maddening. These are individuals who shouldn't ever be working in such an independent, nationally-recognized lab; they are unmotivated, lazy, and ask all the stupid questions (They are not my favorite people from high school, if you haven't caught on.). Although the lab's look and employee composition is different, I apparently am still the go-to-girl for questions, so I find myself surrounded by idiots when I'd just like to have some alone-time.

I finally escape from my pestering coworkers, find a bathroom, and get down to business. Though it was a stressful dream, at least it had a happy ending (pun, sorry).

2007-07-26T08:06:00.000-05:00

I am in a Sea World-like aquarium park. Although I've loved visiting places like this since I was a child, I've never been to a aquarium where they keep larger animals, especially mammals. Most people are fascinated with the orcas on site, while I'm much more interested in the dolphins. As they jump and dive, I notice one smaller dolphin in trouble. He slumps listlessly in a shallow area of the tank, and neither the trainers nor the other dolphins have noticed him lying there. Hurdling the barrier between us, I enter the tank and head straight for the incapacitated dolphin. My action does not go unnoticed; though I've obviously broken the rules by joining the animals in their enclosure, I have brought an important issue to the trainers' attention. I exit the tank to resounding applause and am thanked profusely by park officials.

As a result of the incident, the park allows me to come and go as I please, free of charge. I visit my dolphin often, and I realize that, strangely, I am beginning to understand the squeaks he throws my way. I also find that he understands English and can respond to my many questions via his squeaks. I am excited about my new talent but in a strange way, I'm also supremely disappointed. If I tell anyone about this, there's a 90% chance that they'll think I've gone completely insane. However, I am definitely able to confirm that dolphins are an extremely intelligent, if not the most intelligent species on the planet.

2007-07-24T13:04:00.000-05:00

As I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows right up until bedtime last night, I had HP7-related dreams all night. I finished the book today. If you are concerned about encountering spoilers or unbridled nerdiness, please avoid the text below:

1. I dreamt that Hermione was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange. This was a terrible scene, with Ron sobbing over the body and so on. I am very relieved that this didn't happen in the novel.

2. I also dreamt that Harry was a seventh Horcrux, and he had to be martyred in order to defeat Voldemort. Although this snippet ended up being true, the dream differed from the book in several ways. Harry didn't have anything left in him after his murder; he was truly dead. No conversation with Dumbledore, no second chance, nothing.

Because all HP novels are written in a third person limited (to Harry, of course) style, his death changed the feel of narrative quite a bit. There was a switch to third person omniscient. Harry's funeral was a memorable affair, where he was heralded as a savior for his killing of Voldemort via the ultimate sacrifice. There was also a great deal of focus on Ron's reaction to Hermione's and Harry's deaths. They were buried side by side in Godric's Hollow.

This was not a happy ending, but it worked in some ways. Harry and Hermione were remembered as great heroes. Ron's love went unrequited, a far cry from the sunshine and daisies epilogue of the actual book. And the wizarding world was still saved by Harry, though in a far more depressing manner.

2007-07-23T06:50:00.000-05:00

I am at my old high school, in the class of a much-loathed teacher. He's about to give us his lesson; this usually consists of his popping a tape about ancient Rome into the VCR and surfing espn.com for the next 50 minutes. (I can thank this jerk-off for everything I know about world history, which is little to nothing.) Instead of starting his lesson, however, he comes over to me with a self-satisfied look on his face. I know this can't be good. He hates me, as I am a freshman in a class of sophomores, and I am the one who usually corrects the factual errors that always end up on his exams.

He comes up to me and says, "You didn't tell me that you would be gone all of last week." This is true. I was visiting family in upstate New York, and I left without informing the school of my absence. I don't answer him. He lets me know that I can complete the homework I missed for half credit. It's obvious that this is a ploy to tank my grade in his class. He hardly ever assigns homework; when he does, the due dates are never enforced. As an added bonus, the whole class is now watching me in my embarrassment.

As he turns to walk away, I do the only thing I can think of. I flip him off. Lightning fast, he turns around and catches me in the act. I look at him coolly, turn away, and walk out of the room as he begins yelling.

Instead of walking to detention, I go home to my apartment (which is, inexplicably, my Madison digs) and pack a few things. I've got copies of my high school transcript, and I'm sick of this little town. I decide to go to high school somewhere else until I graduate. Leaving my friends, who are banging on my front door and imploring me not to leave, I sneak out the back and drive away quietly into the night.

(I wish I had actually done this to said high school teacher. Sadly, I just put up with his bullshit for a semester and moved on to better things.)

2007-07-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

I am rolling Katamari (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katamari_damacy), but in the real world. I know that I'm making Katamari to help a gravely ill friend who desperately needs the money I collect to pay for regular radiation treatments. Although the situation is serious, I'm still getting lost in my Katamari-rolling. As I pick up thumbtacks, then sticks of gum, then shampoo bottles, then cats and people and houses, I can't focus on my friend. The game is too fun to be worried about other people.

When I lose my game and the King yells at me, I'm upset. I wasn't paying attention to the task at hand. I press the "reset" button and resolve to give it another go.

(On a related note, I love playing Katamari. Man, awesome game.)

2007-07-16T08:34:00.000-05:00

I am in the front of what appears to be an office building, with large revolving doors and floor-to-ceiling windows. I'm having a meeting at a circular table with a group of friends; I remember Scott, Courtney, and Kori being there, specifically, but there were others, including my sisters. I'm sitting at the table, facing away from the building's glass facade, and I've begun to conduct the meeting. While talking, I glance over at Kori, on the opposite side of the table. On her face is a look of genuine astonishment and fear. I turn toward the windows to see what garners such a look.

It's difficult to describe what I saw outside the building. What's happening is similar to the jungle stampede scene from the film Jumanji, except that animals aren't the only participants. Basically, every dangerous living thing imaginable is running amok, destroying the city outside. Looters, druggies, and guerilla soldiers are breaking into buildings left and right, gunning down the big cats attempting to stalk them. Every human outside is bloodthirstily brandishing a weapon. Every other predator in the animal kingdom is on the hunt. This scene is bloody and terrifying. As if this wasn't bizarre enough, I even see the clown from It shoot me a maniacal grin as it passes by the building's entrance.

I arm the meeting's attendees with the automatic weapons I handily stockpiled in the office. Strike teams are organized to lock all possible entrances to the building and subsequently guard them. Scott leads the first strike team, while I head up the second. I remember taking action to secure certain areas of the building violently, ensuring that no hostiles remained inside. The remaining people, those untrained in combat, are brought to the basement to begin working on marksmanship (Courtney's in charge of these lessons).

This dream abruptly ended while I was considering if I'd stockpiled enough food to survive the inital showdown in this post-apocalyptic reality.

2007-07-12T09:11:00.000-05:00

I can only recall parts of two dreams from last night. I should start putting paper and pen by my bed. When I wake up in the middle of the night after an interesting dream, I always think to myself, "I'll have to remember this for the blog." I go back to sleep, and I seldom recall that interesting dream beyond knowing that it happened.

1. I'm walking outside. I smell something in the air, something sickly sweet, and I begin to vomit uncontrollably. The only relief in this is that I am alone; I'm not embarrassing myself in front of others. (This was not a pleasant dream. Also, this dream woke me up and, while I did not actually vomit, I did drool on the pillow. This is almost as unappealing to find on your pillow as yak.)

2. One of my friends informs me that she's not really into her boyfriend any longer, and vice versa. She says that they're going to wait for a few weeks this summer to see if their lukewarm feelings pass, but she anticipates that they will break up in the near future. I am overjoyed, as I've tagged her boyfriend as an egotistical asshat from the start, and I pictured their relationship ending in her heart being stomped upon as a result of his philandering ways, not in a painless fizzle. (I wish that, in reality, this relationship would just evanesce. I'm not optimistic, however; this will probably last way longer than it ever should have and end in her tears. Here's hoping he surprises me with some modicum of subtlety in breaking up. On a related note, the ability to watch and quote a plethora of mediocre movies and TV shows does not give one a personality.)

2007-07-10T09:11:00.000-05:00

I only have two snippets today, one from last night, and one from the night before. I'm not retaining my dreams well lately.

1. I weigh myself on the scale in my apartment, and I'm only registering at 70 pounds. I wonder how this is possible; I feel thinner, but not anorexic, and I certainly don't look like I'm wasting away. I'm a medical marvel.

2. I meet up with four of my old roommates. Two are a blast to hang out with, and are cracking jokes just like the old days in Witte. The other two have developed serious drinking problems. The way they're throwing drinks back, they'll be on the market for new livers in five years. It's bizarre to see the juxtaposition of these two groups of my old roommates: one group fine and the other sliding toward rehab.

2007-06-29T10:20:00.000-05:00

I'm with Scott at some large conference center with many beautiful outside garden areas (It reminded me of Lake Geneva from high school Student Council Conferences.). We find a trampoline outside and lay on it. It's early evening, and it's the perfect time to be sitting outside, enjoying the day.

Suddenly, and without warning, I'm engaged in this ridiculous sexual escapade. Scott and I are basically having an orgy with a handful of other people outside at dusk. The weirdest part of all this is that people are walking by; no one is gawking or looking at us strangely.

I haven't had a sex dream in a while, so I guess I was due up. Lord, this one was a crazy one. But all in all, a pretty fun dream. It certainly tops the dream a while back where my fruit rotted.

2007-06-28T08:02:00.000-05:00

I am hanging out with Courtney and her new kitty. The cat is a front-declawed female, orange with white stripes. She's unnamed as of yet, and she attacks me when I walk through Courtney's front door. This little kitty has an attack impulse that has to be seen to be believed.

I also dreamt that I called Sylvan to apply to be a tutor to high school kids. I have no idea why.

2007-06-26T08:09:00.000-05:00

I am wrapping up the filming of a movie, and I can't wait to finish and be on the way home. I apparently still live in Madison, since that's the home I'm looking forward to. It's about 3:30, and I'm thinking I'll be on the road by 4pm.

Unfortunately, my assistant informs me that reshoots are scheduled to begin around 4:30. I'm trying not to be the stereotypical pretentious, hard-to-work-with actress, but I really wanted the fuck out of the sound stage. I go, somewhat angrily, to my hotel to apply layers and layers of pancake stage makeup. Of course, I've got people to do this for me, but I'm still peeved.

After I have all the makeup on, I'm unrecognizable as the famous actress I am. People on the street don't stop to get photographs with me; instead, they're making fun of me because I've got so much makeup on. They obviously don't understand that this much makeup is necessary on camera. The teasing just gets me more worked up.

By the time I storm onstage to do reshoots, I'm fuming. The director is familiar to me; she looks at me and sighs. The stereotypical actress that I'm trying not to be -- that's somehow what I've become over the years.

2007-06-24T09:28:00.000-05:00

I am babysitting for a mother with at least six children. They are all about three or four, at the run-around-and-be-a-little-terror stage of their development. It's a total nightmare. I can't keep up with them, and I'm just chasing them all around the damn place, trying to curb the destruction they're causing. The best part is, the mother is around, as well; neither she nor I can handle them alone, but, together, we're trying to keep everything under control.

I remember that I took the group for a walk outside at night. We had kids chasing other kids into the middle of city streets, kids grabbing belongings of mine (e.g., purse, shoes) and hiding them outdoors, kids crying because another one slapped them. It was enough to force yours truly into a vow of chastity.

In addition, a woman I strongly disliked in my high school days was around, judging my capability to care for the gaggle of children. She didn't help me at all, but just threw advice my way. This made me angrier than I already was, as I could've really used an extra pair of hands at this point in the babysitting assignment (In lieu of some superfluous, judgmental advice.).

(I was babysitting in my dream because I babysat for Kori's nieces last night. Also, I happened to see aforementioned hated woman yesterday. She was around, pushing people's buttons, as usual. Aargh.)

2007-06-22T09:04:00.000-05:00

I'm in a huge grocery store. They've got a full refrigerated aisle (both sides) devoted to cheese. I don't understand why anyone would need such a huge grocery store -- I've only gone into the store to get some milk, and the store is so huge that I can't find the dairy section. I did, however, find the huge walls of cheese.

I woke up a lot last night, so I had several distinct dreams, but I've got little to no recall this morning.

2007-06-21T08:16:00.000-05:00

I watched Sicko, the new Michael Moore film, right before bed last night. Also, my best friend's mother passed away around noon.

I dreamt that I was a practicing oncologist. I was responsible for denying care to individuals dying of cancer. I didn't know how to get out of the situation I was in. Practicing in Canada or Europe was practically equivalent to running away from the problem. But how do you change the medical practices of an entire country?

2007-06-20T10:37:00.000-05:00

I have been away from my apartment for several days, and I'm returning home after a long drive. I'm really hungry, so I reach in the fruit bowl to grab an apple. Unfortunately, all of the fruit is extremely rotten and smelly. It all has to be thrown out. I am depressed, and I'm still hungry for breakfast.

2007-06-19T09:16:00.000-05:00

I am camping in a Bonnaroo-like atmosphere. I'm sitting around, talking to a group of guys about the difficulties of my occupation. I sell weed in Brooklyn, NY. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.

(Note: I just came back from Bonnaroo yesterday. Our neighbors were from New York, and one of them definitely hailed from Brooklyn. I definitely just lifted this dream from the events of the past five days.)

2007-06-13T07:42:00.000-05:00

I am going out with one of my male friends in a large, unidentifiable city. He parks in a metered spot, informing me that we have to move the car by 6am the next morning. I am not amused.

We go into what at first appears to be a bar. However, it quickly becomes clear that this is not your run-of-the-mill bar scene. Everyone is there to have sex with others, and not in that subtler way that transpires in other bars. There are rooms out back of the bar to actually do it in. You just find your best option at the bar and head for the back.

I am amused by this, as someone appears to have taken the middleman out of one-night stands. Also, you never have to take anyone back to your apartment or give them your phone number as a nice gesture. It's understood that the whole point of the encounter is sex at this bar.

To give you one interesting visual of the characters at this bar, after walking in, I immediately noticed that there were several priests present in full dress. Shortly thereafter I realized that the priests were wearing platform shoes. As it turns out, the priests weren't there to judge the multitude of sinners present; they were non-seminarians playing dress-up at the sex bar. Yep, this is my subconscious.

2007-06-09T09:23:00.000-05:00

Scott just bought this sandwich for $2. He is very proud of the fact that the sandwich was so cheap, and he keeps bragging about the deal that he got. After he eats the sandwich, he starts vomiting uncontrollably. Everywhere.

That's all I got.

2007-06-07T07:48:00.000-05:00

I am cooking in a woman's kitchen. One of my friends had volunteered to help this woman, but he backed out at the last minute, leaving me to pick up the slack. The woman is cooking for a large family, and she is an Iranian-born Muslim, so I'm unfamiliar with all of the recipes and some of the ingredients. Trying to help this woman is a complete nightmare; she's so bossy and she likes to emphasize all of the things I'm doing wrong, all of the problems I'm having. However, when we serve the finished meal to a table of twenty-five, I feel pride ... and relief.

I only remember snippets of my other dreams last night, but:
- I am hanging out with a crowd from my old high school, and we are walking in Madison. Even though I know the city better than anyone, no one will listen to me when I try to give them better directions.
- A huge storm is brewing off in the distance. The clouds are making gorgeous formations -- everything looks incredible. I want to take pictures of the sky, but no one with me has brought a camera.
- I think I reinvented one of my fellow high school graduates as an incredibly attractive man. We were flirting nicely with each other, hanging out. It was fun.

2007-06-05T07:11:00.000-05:00

I am at home with my family. We're driving somewhere, so I hop in our new (used) car, a five-year-old Honda Civic. I begin to drive with Mama and Papa in the car; Laura, Emily, and Sarah are following behind. I stop for a desperate-looking female hitchhiker. Suddenly, the cars are undergoing a game of musical chairs. All of the girls get in my car, and Mama and Papa take over the other vehicle. Soon after we start driving again, I realize that I've got little to no braking power going on. I'm doing all kinds of crazy donut moves trying to stop the Civic without getting into a crash. When I ask Mama and Papa what's going on, they shrug, saying that the brakes are a little tricky on the new car. Apparently, "tricky" means "nonexistent."

2007-06-02T09:23:00.001-05:00

Because I had to wake up early on a weekend day, and because I woke up once this morning at 6:30a (accidentally), I dreamt in the last few hours of my sleep that I had to get up and I didn't want to. Way to add insult to injury.

It was really lame dreaming. And then I - yep - had to get up early. Just like I was repeatedly dreaming.

2007-06-01T08:13:00.000-05:00

I am in the mall with a few friends, including Courtney. This is a a place I've never been before. I am going around searching for a product, some kind of clothing. I'm going into store after store, inquiring about the clothes. Salespeople are scoffing at me as they turn me away, as if they're saying, "Why in the world would we carry that?" I'm getting increasingly frustrated at the holier-than-thou attitudes of the store clerks, but Courtney calms me down. We go back to my apartment.

Courtney and I watch a movie about princesses. We're sitting on my bed, watching my new TV. The movie is weird, because the main character's voice sounds like Miss Piggy, but all the dialogue is in German. I'm doing a running translation for Courtney.

2007-05-31T07:02:00.000-05:00

I only remember one part of my dream last night. I am weighing myself, and I'm amazed to find I've lost ten pounds. Amazed because my body hasn't changed one iota. I am pretty pissed about this, given that it doesn't make any sense.

2007-05-30T07:33:00.000-05:00

I've got little to nothing about this dream. Scott and I are driving around looking for a restaurant that's got one of those carts on Library Mall, Kakilima. It's an Indonesian food cart I've heard great things about. I have no idea whether they have a real restaurant location or not. We're both getting frustrated because not matter how long or far we drive, we can't find the damn place.

2007-05-28T09:37:00.000-05:00

1. (Sat. 5/26) My family and I are in a high rise apartment building. We're up on one of the highest floors -- I would venture to guess that we are 30 stories up in the air. We're in one of the apartments, just standing around chatting and enjoying the view of some city we're in. Suddenly, a coach bus careens down the street, followed by multiple police cruisers and a fire engine or two. The bus swerves to a halt, and a man exits, brandishing a large shotgun and strapped with ammunition. It's obvious at this point that he's taken the bus hostage. As SWAT teams assemble, police negotiators attempt to talk him down.

The building begins to shake. It's an earthquake, and we're in a high rise. This is a less than thrilling development. I remember that we're supposed to stay where we are and just get in a doorframe or hallway, but my family sprints for the stairs, as the elevators are disabled. We run out of the building in time. The earthquake has all but stopped.

Mama decides we need transport and hijacks a rather awkward van. We all jump in, and soon enough, the police are chasing us instead of the guy with hostages. We go on a long and dangerous chase through residential neighborhoods. At one point, Mama dodges the police for long enough to force us out of the van. She doesn't want us to be caught as well. Eventually, the police nab her. We feel guilty and decide to turn ourselves in. If she's going down, all of us are going down together.

2. (last night) I'm on the UW-LaCrosse campus for unknown reasons. I'm at some sort of party, and many, many people from my high school are present. Most are my age and older: friends that I graduated with. I see one individual who I dated. I know that I'm looking better than him, so I decide to try and make him jealous with tales of my success in college, loving boyfriend, blah blah blah. He knows that I'm trying to bait him and elects to ignore me. I move on.

Soon, I'm running with another high school crush across campus. No word on why we're running. We duck through a construction site. There's no work going on, but I'm definitely aware that this is some sort of punishable offense, and I don't appreciate that this dude forced me along on his shortcut. At the other end of the site, we run into one of my mom's friends. She says that she's supposed to take me home instead of my mom today. I am suspicious; I ask her what the password is, and she doesn't know. Since she's obviously making an attempt to kidnap me, we escape from her clutches before she has a chance at me.

2007-05-25T07:05:00.000-05:00

I am with George Costanza at a Wal-Mart-like store. We are both trying to impress the same woman, a beautiful blonde. It's not clear whether I'm Jerry or myself. For some reason, I decide to back off and help George in his conquest. We're preparing with this blonde for some type of birthday party. The blonde is really liking me at this point, so I divert her with George to go pick out a cake while I try to find birthday candles. It does give her and George a little alone time, but this doesn't do anything to make her more attracted to him. When we meet up outside the store, she's trying to shake George. She does manage to get away from him; George is distraught and has no idea what he did to frighten her off.

The strangest thing about this dream is that it wasn't funny, unlike Seinfeld. It was just about George getting shut down. Also, I saw both George and Kramer almost completely naked. They were very hairy individuals in my mind's eye, which I don't think is too far away from the truth.

2007-05-24T12:38:00.000-05:00

My family and I are all training to use guns. We're at a firing range taking shots at targets downfield. I remember that accuracy was very important; all of us are trying to be very reliable with our weapons. Mostly, I thought we all looked silly with the big noise-damping headphones on. I never thought we'd be able to pull this off (although I never knew what "this" was; all I knew was that our training was vitally important.).

2007-05-22T07:16:00.000-05:00

I am being followed by two children. It's all very much like this creepy movie I saw on Sci-Fi as a child with Kirstie Alley in it - I just googled it and found Village of the Damned. In all honesty, the movie is pretty stupid. There's some sort of meteor attack thing on a village, and the next day, all the village women realize they've become pregnant. They all deliver on the same day; all their children are totally evil. Anyway, back to the dream... They're dressed identically, and they're obviously tracking my movements. They're pretty good at following me, too; I'm trying to juke them off-course, and they're not biting.

I also had a strange dream based, I think, upon the opening of A Wrinkle in Time. That's what happens when you read crazy children's books before you go to bed.

2007-05-21T07:04:00.000-05:00

I am in some sort of post-apocalyptic future. Everything looks similar to the movie 28 Days Later -- no one's on the streets, etc. I've got some sort of skateboard-looking device that I can ride faster than a person can run, and it's helped me escape from undesirables several times. I and a few other people, including Scott, are hiding out in an apartment that looks a little like Scott's, with the sliding glass door. One bad guy (they weren't exactly like 28 Days Later -- no "rage", just bad guys) has stolen my cell phone. I catch him with it in the bathroom, tackle him and pin him down in the tub, forcing him to fork it over. It is good to recover the cell phone, as we were teaching ourselves to make radio broadcasts, which hardly seems like the most useful method of 2-way communication.

I also dreamt later that I worked in a brothel. I think this was an extension of the same dream, as everything was unsafe. If you went outside, you had to sneak around. In the brothel, though, people were generally safe from the outside world. I remember only one client. He was using me to figure out if he was gay or not. He was gay.

2007-05-17T09:51:00.000-05:00

I went to somebody's bat mitzvah. I've actually never been to a bat or bar mitzvah before, so my subconscious made it like a cross between a birthday party and prom. Also, during the ceremony before the party, I was in temple with a few friends. I've also never been in a temple before, so in my dream, it was like a Catholic church, except there were no crosses or stained glass, and it was much better lit. The person being bat mitzvah'ed had to read out of the Torah, so I got to hear what my brain thinks Hebrew sounds like.

I have no idea what made this dream happen last night, but it seems like it was a real creative step for my brain.

Edit: Courtney has pointed out that I have been to a reform temple once with her, so my brain is probably drawing from that experience.

2007-05-15T07:20:00.000-05:00

I studied neuroscience all day yesterday. Consequently, most of my dreams revolved around the brain.

I dreamt that there was some sort of evil scientist out there doing research. I was observing him somehow. He would force his subjects to administer an electric shock to themselves. The shock looked painful, although it wasn't enough to knock anyone over when they pressed the button to receive it (All subjects were standing, all of the time). To motivate subjects to cooperate, the scientist threatened them with a much more powerful electric shock, which he could apply to them at any time. If a subject didn't administer a shock to themselves when they were ordered to, the scientist would give them a jolt capable of sending most subjects into violent seizures. Since all subjects were held in the same room, uncooperative ones were basically examples for the rest. Compliance was high with the scientist's requests, for the most part.

I also dreamt about neglect, which results from a lesion to the posterior parietal cortex. I was treating a patient with contralateral neglect; he hadn't dressed the left half of his body and described things monocularly. It was interesting.

The last dream I can recall involved some sort of high school project. For the project, each student was given a sample of marijuana. I don't know what the project entailed, but my dream picked up on the conclusion of the project, at which time each student was required to turn their pot sample back in to the teacher. Pretty much every student was coming up with ingenious ways to smuggle most of their pot sample out of the school. This was incredibly amusing. I guess it's always funny to outwit teachers when you're in high school.

2007-05-14T07:36:00.000-05:00

1. I am in my woods at home, building a tree fort with a good male friend of mine. Mostly I'm coaching his actions from the ground, as I'm not really handy with tools and might hammer myself to a tree. In an effort to shift the entire structure a few feet in one direction, we accidentally break several branches off of the tree and boards shower to the ground. In defeat, I lay down on the ground looking up at the perfectly blue sky. My friend lays down right next to me. I normally avoid hanging around him when we are alone because we have a lot of chemistry. I'm not the cheating type, but this guy drives me dangerously close to the edge. I sincerely feel like if given a decent shot, we'd be a good couple. However, this is an impossibility right now; I'm in love with Scott and don't want to fuck that up. Furthermore, he has his own girlfriend to worry about. In a flurry of honesty, I tell him all of this. He puts his arm around me and says that he feels the same way. Pulling me close, he gives me one sweet kiss, telling me that until our timing is better and the stars align properly in our direction, we shouldn't even be near each other.

On that note, we decide to go base jumping together. With a small group, we are lifted in a helicopter to a canyon ridge. One deep breath, and I jump off of the edge. For a few blissful moments, I am hanging in midair. Then, I pull my chute and float down into an area heavily populated with saplings. The saplings are difficult to walk through without being whacked by them at every turn. Eventually, by playing a kind of Marco Polo, yelling for each other, my friend and I find each other. I am so happy to see him, but this time, I keep my distance.

2. Given Kori's mother's condition, I also had several dreams revolving around cancer and hospitals last night. I've got no detail, thankfully, though it was a less than pleasant night, as far as dreams go.

2007-05-12T07:47:00.000-05:00

1. My friend Joe and I are walking in the woods (Joe is someone invented by my subconscious). We're some sort of gypsy people who leech off of others, a la The Riches. However, right now, we're wandering through the woods and we're getting concerned. Nothing looks familiar, and we can't find a path or anything to follow. I'm getting disoriented very quickly; everything looks the same in this area of woods. There are many animals in these woods. I see a group of monkeys about the size of house cats playing around, and I want to mess with them. As soon as I grab one, they all begin screeching and clawing at me violently. Joe and I work together to pull the attacking monkeys off me, and we have to sprint away to avoid further attack. As a result, we're now really lost. A few unnerving minutes pass, and finally we see a group of people walking through the forest. We follow at a distance, and they lead us to a clearing in the woods, in front of which is a paved road and a row of houses -- a normal city street.

We join the group of 20-odd people. They are headed to the waterfront and board a large cruise boat. We soon learn that we're going on a cruise with other students from Alaska to Vanilla (In my dream state, Vanilla was an actual place name). Joe and I find it easy to assimilate with the other students, as we're the appropriate age and have similar interests. We have no problem convincing everyone that we, too, have dropped several thousand dollars on a cruise dream vacation. I find myself very attracted to my friend, Joe, and we share some picturesque smooches on the deck of the ship (think Titanic, without the tragedy part).

When we reach the next port o' call, the people in charge announce that they're going to go through our payment vouchers individually. We'll need proof of payment, photo ID, and proof of vaccination (I'm not sure exactly what disease we were planning to catch in Alaska, but whatever). Since Joe and I have none of the above, we invent a scheme to get off of the boat. I invent a sob story about my family and have the head woman in tears. She lets Joe and I go without a hitch. We're disappointed that we have to miss out on this amazing-sounding cruise with some great fellow travelers. Joe and I resolve to have a better back story and forged papers the next time we board a cruise ship.

2. I had another dream starring my family, but I only have fragments:
- My dad lines up all of the debit cards of all my family members in a row on a table. Mine is missing, and I'm distraught. I go on a mad search for the card. It turns up eventually.
- My entire family is being towed behind a large motorboat. We're going out to some island owned by a family friend.
- This "family friend" has some sort of plot to kidnap us and force us into a life of hard labor / sex slavery. We foil the plot, of course.

2007-05-10T08:15:00.000-05:00

1. A great poli sci professor I have taken a class with is leaving. I'm saddened, because Sarah will never get to take a class with him here at UW (So far, all this is actually true). As I'm walking somewhere outside, I run into Kristina, who's just coming from the professor's going-away party. She points me in the right direction, and I head to his party. The party ends up being a large-scale kegger, and I find and say hello/final goodbyes to my professor. I find myself very attracted to him at this party. However, he's got a wife and two kids, and is as good as gold, so I'm not going to push it into crossing the line with him, even if he'd be into it.

2. My second dream was something about working in a research lab that studies fingerprints. I fucked up some sort of lab technique and my grad student was all over my ass about it. That's all I remember.

3. I'm in my dentist's office at home for an appointment. We're about ready to get started, and the dentist takes out one of those little mouth mirrors and checks me out. To my horror, I remember that prior to going to the office, I've been munching on Cheese-Its, and they're stuck everywhere in my teeth. I go back to my house to brush my teeth (don't know why I couldn't have brushed them in the dentist's office). By the time I get back, the hygienist informs me that we've got to get going; I've only got an hour left on my scheduled appointment. She's smoking hot and wearing an extremely low-cut shirt. As she's getting everything ready for the dentist, her boobs keep falling out of her shirt. When I inform her of this, far from being embarrassed, she starts doing a little sexy dance for me. I am flabbergasted. Suddenly, about four or five photographers with professional cameras bust in and inform me that they've got a great picture they have to take. They take a very high-resolution picture of a fly sitting on my chest and run out again. Then, the dentist comes in the room, and everything about the appointment returns to mundane normality.

2007-05-09T07:54:00.000-05:00

1. I am dating two men. One is my old physics TA, very sweet and somewhat awkward. The other is nowhere near as nice to me, but he's a hundred times more attractive. Unbelievable-looking, really. I'm seeing them both behind each other's backs, and, unfortunately, physics guy catches me with gorgeous guy. He pulls me aside and tells me that he's not going to put up with this; I've got to make a decision. I remember feeling very upset, but I didn't make a decision in the dream. Interesting moral dilemma, though.

2. Though I'm not a member of the Hoofers sailing club, I've convinced one of my friends who is a member to loan me one of their small sailboats. I take the boat out onto Lake Monona. It's a beautiful, windy day, and I'm having a fantastic time on the water. However, given my klutzy tendencies, this sailing skill that I'm suddenly displaying is bound not to last. I get too close to the shore and crash the boat into some rocks, leaving behind a couple of pieces of sailboat that look, um, important for continued sailboat functioning. In fact, I'm barely able to get the boat back to the Hoofers dock. The people in charge are furious with me and my friend. They send us out to the crash site with scuba gear and assign us to look for pieces of sailboat wreckage. Unfortunately, I'm not certified for scuba, and I'm apprehensive about getting the bends. I refuse to scuba without training, leaving my pissed-off Hoofers friend to do all the grunt work.

2007-05-08T08:10:00.000-05:00

I'm in my apartment looking for my new kitten. I already have a cat; I call her Sensi, like Sensimilia, Kori's cat, but she's white instead of black. This new kitten is a few weeks old, just big enough to fit from my wrist to fingertips in my hand. She's also completely white. However, this kitten is extremely shy.

To get her to come out, I behave like a cat, as I learned in my human-animal relations class. I sit quietly and scan left to right across the room. Even though I'm interested in the kitten, I don't act like it. She eventually comes over to say hello. I realize right away that she's actually a he, and he's not been neutered yet (I should certainly get on that). Good thing I haven't gotten around to naming him yet. For some reason, when he tries to get away from me, he starts squirming like a normal cat, but then collapses flat, like a flattened box. I get really worried about him, as I haven't seen this behavior before. Someone beside me reassures me that he's seen this before. It won't be a problem; he'll "reinflate" to normal kitten size in a few minutes, once his stress levels go down.

2007-05-07T09:23:00.000-05:00

I'm getting back to my apartment after spending a Sunday night at Scott's apartment in Watertown. Much to my surprise, I don't live in my State Street apartment with Tiff, but in a larger apartment with all my old roommates except Katie. I'm not upset that I'm living with these particular people, but the place is a wreck. Even my room (I at least had my own room, thank God) is totally torn apart for some reason. All the artwork up on my walls has been moved around to different places in the apartment. Bridget's cooking pesto spaghetti in the kitchen and it's getting everywhere. I'm getting all worked up, because I don't have much time to undo this damage before I have to go to class. Briana pulls me aside and admits that this mess is driving her totally crazy, too. She calms me down.

For some reason, I had sex at the end of this dream. I don't remember who I was having sex with at all.

Earlier in the night, I also dreamt that I was a mobster (due to the fact that I watched The Sopranos last night before bed). I don't have details, but I'm pretty sure that I killed a few people without remorse.

2007-05-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

Scott, Courtney, and I are going into a convenience store which we frequent. It's early in the morning, and we're surprised to find the front doors unlocked and wide open with no employees on duty inside. Nothing in the store seems out of place, but after a look at the employee schedule in the break room, we realize that our friend Hassett is supposed to be working right now. We quickly go to the front doors and deter potential customers from entering. A few minutes later, Hassett shows up. He apologizes, says he's been working far too much recently. Then he notices that the store's already unlocked, we're already inside. He's shocked, and after a second check of the employee schedule, we know the guilty party who failed to lock the doors to the store last night is none other than my 11th grade precalc teacher (Kori and I, and probably everyone else, just loathed this guy).

It's time to go to school, so I jump into the van with Mama, who's waiting in the store's parking lot. She drives me to my old high school. My first class is precalc, and I'm so thrilled that I can blackmail my precalc teacher. The next time he's a dick, I'll just threaten to bring the hammer down on this whole convenience store irresponsibility, and he's have to back the fuck off.

2007-05-02T11:51:00.000-05:00

I don't have details of last night's dream. However, in the evening, I watched as sneak preview of "Knocked Up", the new Judd Apatow film, at the Union.

Consequently, I dreamt that I was pregnant. Not the initial shock of pregnancy, mind you, but second-trimesterish with a significant belly developing. I remember how surreal it was to have this body with something growing inside it, but I've got no detail. I don't even know who the father was.

2007-05-01T07:29:00.000-05:00

1. I'm at home and Mama tells me that Laura and Emily are going on this cool canoe trip. It's been organized through my old high school somehow and, from the sound of it, the trip's going to be a couple of days long. She asks me if I'd like to go. I haven't been in a canoe for a while, and this trip sounds like a great idea. I get busy packing for the trip. Among the items packed are half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and my pink bikini (which seems ill-suited for use on a canoe trip). Everything's packed in this black backpack that I bought at Afterthoughts when I was a kid.

Anyway, we get to the launch point and there's a handful of kids and our guides there. For some reason, someone brought a monkey with us. This monkey is the polar opposite of the gorilla in the last post; he's playful and friendly and just mischievous enough to keep us interested but not piss us off. I'm really into the idea of this trip and am ready to get rolling. Just then, my mom asks me if I brought the money for the trip. She drops this bomb on me that the canoe trip costs $1700. Since I definitely don't feel like emptying my checking account for a trip I thought was free, I can't go. Laura, Emily, and the monkey push off and leave me.

2. I am in the Sparta library (I haven't been there in years, on account of I owe them a chunk of change in fines from high school). I walk into a side room that's used for meetings. In the room are a dozen or so naked people, mostly couples. They're engaging in a raucous partner-swapping orgy. I'm not really into the whole orgy scene, but I do see one guy I'm attracted to. He's delivering a news broadcast in the corner of the room and looks suspiciously like the guy who played Doogie Howser, MD. While he's on camera, I go under his desk and begin having sex with him (I don't understand the mechanics of this, either). I'm amazed at his composure; he continues to deliver the news without much ado. Fast forward a few minutes, and we're all dressed, sitting in on a Q&A session for the people who organized the orgy. They're asking questions to its patrons -- what did you like, what didn't you like, etc. A woman gives me her business card and says that we have to do this again sometime. She looks like one of the women on Real Housewives of Orange County, but the name on her business card is the same as the name of the dean of students here.

I go upstairs in the library and look for a journal article about Dickens. They keep all the journals behind the desk in the library, and I'm struck at how few there are here compared with the libraries at the UW. Instead of my article, the librarian mistakenly hands me a stack of papers that Kori wrote in middle school. Included is the one she wrote about the kid who painted his car with a illustrated version of "American Pie", including "The day the music died" scrawled over the hood. I'm excited to show the papers to Kori, but the librarian won't let me keep them, says they're a matter of public record now. I resolve to break into the library later and get them.

2007-04-30T13:40:00.000-05:00

This is a rehash from a few nights ago.

I am in my house in Sparta. Much to our surprise, we find a baby gorilla in the house. It's about the size and weight of an average three-year-old. I'm pretty excited when we find this animal, as the primates on TV always seem like they'd be fun to play with. However, as soon as we pick this baby gorilla up, we realize it's going to be no picnic to deal with him. He's scratching and clawing at us, and as he squirms it becomes evident that he's not going to be a pleasant pet. We decide to leave him outside the house, which we manage to do with some difficulty. A few minutes later, we find another baby gorilla inside the house. This second animal is about as much trouble as the first to banish outside. Additionally, this gets us worried that mama gorilla has made the house her stomping grounds. As anyone who's seen a nature channel special on mothers and their young knows, this would be a bad situation, especially as we've forcibly removed several gorilla toddlers from the area. This ends up being an unfounded worry, however; we see mama gorilla playing with her babies outside a few minutes later. We then go around the house, locking all windows and doors. The gorillas have gotten much better at manipulating door handles and we don't want them getting in again.

I woke up several times during this night and therefore had a couple of unrelated dreams. One of them involved me being a member of SWAT about to stage a tactical assault on a building. Here's another, which I've got a little more detail on.

Scott and I are in some tropical city on the ocean, possibly in Mexico. Neither of us speak the native language. We're walking around the city for a while, and then we decide to head to the beach to mingle with people. It's dusk, and the beach has become a gathering point for a bunch of out-of-towners. We find a group of 4-5 extremely attractive people (a mix of male and female) and approach them. They're English speakers, and we are quickly accepted and assimilated into their group. I'm feeling like these modelesque people are out of our league, but we go with the flow and as the sun sets, we run into the water for a little dip.